Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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