Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
