Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Enjoy the penises
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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