Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
