Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
