Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
