I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
