i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
