I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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