i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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