I just pynch a tree in the face
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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