Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
