Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
