they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
