I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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