He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
