Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
