hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
