The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
