My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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