FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
