I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
