she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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