talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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