There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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