So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
