ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
