I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
