Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
