is your mom at the bar?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
