didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
