Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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