smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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