JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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