So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
