Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
