I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
