i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
