And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
