your room smells of hookers.
And success
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
