I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
