is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
