I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're too hungover to prance.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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