Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
