i was born a porn star she said
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
