Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
