He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
