i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
