so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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