his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
