At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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