I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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