I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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