with your own penis?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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