last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
