Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
