how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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