im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
