Don't you send me to vm
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
