she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
