Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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