I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize