This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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