Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
